Petty Captions For Instagram (2022): Baddie, Breakup, Ex

1800+ Petty Captions For Instagram (2022): Baddie, Breakup

December 22, 2021
Est. Reading: 26 mins

Instagram is a great way to share your life with others through images and videos. One of the things that many people like to do on Instagram is post pictures of their day-to-day activities as well as selfies.

While there are some who just use captions, it can be fun to come up with clever and funny captions for your pictures! In this blog post, we will guide you with petty captions for Instagram so that you can get more likes and followers on the social media platform!

A caption is just another way to express yourself when you are posting images. It gives you an opportunity to give your followers a peek into what is going on in your life or express how you are feeling at that moment. For example, if the picture was taken when something petty happened, you can use that as a caption. Doing so adds humour to your image and makes it memorable for those who see the picture.

Petty captions are always more fun to post on Instagram because they help you get positive attention and feedback from your followers! It can also motivate other users as well.

You may be wondering what is considered petty? Basically anything – from getting back at someone after they have wronged you, being disappointed with something, or even just making fun of daily life experiences! The list goes on and on, as you are only limited by your imagination. These are some examples of petty Instagram captions that could be used for different images.

Also Useful: Brunch Captions For Instagram (2022)

Best Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

Petty captions for Instagram and other social media platforms will never go out of style. The reason is simple: we all want to show off our best side, but with a little creativity, you can do that in the most entertaining way possible.

Best Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

We're not talking about any old caption. This is your chance to stand out, and you will only be able to do that if the words are unique enough so people can't dismiss them with a quick scroll-by.

We have tons of ideas for you to choose from, so check out our list of best petty captions for Instagram and find the best one.

  • You mean I have to leave the house when that's my good side?
  • It was a dark and stormy night...and then I took out the trash.
  • If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
  • Someone needs to invent glasses for blind people with cats in them!
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • I looked up "adorable" in the dictionary and it said, "see me."
  • My dentist told me that my teeth are just as white as anyone else's and I believed her until now!
  • I don't always lose weight by running away from cookies...but when I do, it works.
  • I had a drink the other day...and then I decided to have another one.
  • When you want Cinderella's dress but all they have is 'Ariel' in your size!
  • When your mom says you can't dye your hair orange because it doesn't look good on redheads but then she does it herself.
  • My fairy godmother told me I would go to the ball, and now here I am!
  • I think that is why they call them 'happy' memories instead of 'perfect' memories.
  • It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious!
  • I feel sorry for people that don't drink because when they wake up in the morning, that is the best they are going to feel all day.
  • A bad attitude will get you everywhere...just not into my car!
  • I'm not clumsy, I just have a lot of magic in my hands.
  • I was going to make a joke but then something terrible happened and I forgot what it was!
  • I feel so blessed to have the opportunity of being a blessing.
  • I'm not trying to be funny, but it's kinda hard when you're this cute!
  • Some people say I don't think before I speak...but they can never understand my genius because they aren't as smart as me.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes!
  • I was born with my eyes closed...maybe that's why they are always shut.
  • If I had one wish it would be for more wishes to come true.
  • The other day I was thinking about what makes me happy...then I thought, "I know!"
  • They say laughter is the best medicine. That's why my doctor gives me a new prescription every month!
  • My reputation precedes me because it usually follows behind.
  • You're only young once but you can always be immature!
  • If you're nice to me, I'll be mean to you.
  • I was just looking at my phone and then suddenly the sky became dark.
  • This is where your IQ drops 100 out!
  • Life isn't about waiting for the storm to's about learning how to dance in it.
  • Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens!
  • The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
  • I don't have a drinking problem...I drink, I get drunk. No problem!
  • There are only two people in life you should trust: one is you and the other isn't me!

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Petty Instagram Captions For Ex (2022)

If you're no longer in a relationship with someone and they pop up on your social media feeds, the chances are that's going to make you feel at least a little bit bitter. That is the perfect time for some ex-bashing captions on Instagram.

Petty Instagram Captions For Ex (2022)

A caption like this will show the world that you're doing just fine, and so is your life. Plus, it's a great way to let everyone know what happened between you two and how it really went down (even though they can probably guess).

Here are some petty Instagram captions for ex. You can choose between them and post them on your Instagram.

  • You can't spell ex without 'me.'
  • We broke up because I said, "I don't love you anymore." He told me to go screw I did!
  • My last name doesn't start with an A so yeah
  • I don't need a relationship; I just want to make you jealous.
  • Single and ready to mingle...which apparently means going out with my cat every night.
  • My ex is about as useful as one of those little umbrellas in your drink!
  • I'm not passing you a tissue. Get your own!
  • Not sure which is more annoying, the sound of crying or his face?
  • I don't care about your opinion... #YourFaceSucks
  • I'll never be as good at it as I was with you.
  • My life is better now that you're not in it!
  • It's a sad day when the only person who cares enough to send a text message is my dog.
  • I'm not even mad that you're gone, I just don't like the idea of someone else having your attention.
  • I'll never feel what I felt for you ever again...and it feels great!
  • The only thing worse than loving an ex is hating them too much to delete their number.
  • You were my last first kiss.
  • I'll always remember how you broke my heart...and smile about it!
  • At least now the only person I have to fight over is myself.
  • Just because we're not a thing, doesn't mean that your opinion isn't invalidated.
  • If all exes looked like you then I would never leave my house.
  • I don't need a relationship, I just want to make you jealous!
  • My ex is about as useful as one of those little umbrellas in your drink!
  • I'm not passing you a tissue. Get your own!
  • Not sure which is more annoying, the sound of crying or his face?
  • I don't care about your opinion... #YourFaceSucks
  • The only thing worse than loving an ex is hating them too much to delete their number.
  • At least now the only person I have to fight over is myself.
  • If all exes looked like you then I would never leave my house.
  • It's weird how I never see him anymore...
  • He couldn't handle me on my worst day, so he must really hate me now.
  • You're not sorry, you just hate losing.
  • I'll be seeing you my nightmares!
  • Your ex is my next profile pic
  • I'd rather have my ex's arms around me than your face in front of me.
  • My new bae is better than an old flame any day!
  • don't miss you, I just miss things being easier.
  • Don't worry about it...we're over for a good reason
  • Every ex has a story and mine is ridiculously tragic.
  • I tried to let go, but now I know that wasn't your fault; it was always me.
  • Life's too short for bad relationships...and almost as short for doing dishes!
  • wish we didn't break up so we could still be friends?
  • He was a jerk anyway.
  • Never say never, because I just might run into your ass at the store one day!
  • There's no such thing as exes...just people who haven't gotten over each other yet.
  • I'm parting way with you and keeping my friends, thank you very much.
  • You're not worth the tears that I cry when we talk; all they do is make me miss your lies.

Good Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

Some people are so good at being petty that they even have their own hashtags. The best part is, many of them use those same captions for Instagram as well! We're not quite sure how this trend started, but it seems to be catching on fast. So if you want to join in the fun and post some really great petty captions on Instagram, you can do it with ease.

Good Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

Here are some good petty captions for Instagram that will make people laugh and be glad they aren't your ex!

  • You must like the taste of my feet because I haven't seen you in a while...and if looks could kill, then I'd still be alive.
  • I'd say 'welcome back, but you were never really gone.
  • I did your laundry...minus the clothes of course!
  • I have nothing to I'll just stare at you creepily!
  • I don't know why everyone thinks we broke up, my cat is still madly in love with me.
  • When I fell for you, all of my common sense disappeared.
  • If you were a booger I would pick you first.
  • I don't know why everyone thinks we broke up, my dog is still madly in love with me.
  • I'm not having fun at the party without fact, it's quite boring!
  • You're like a fart; I can smell you when you leave but never see where you went.
  • Didn't I see your face on an episode of Cops?
  • If you were a fruit, you'd be the perfect blend.
  • Why are all men ungrateful like they've never had their balls licked before?!
  • I wonder if Santa Claus would still bring me presents if I turned out to be this naughty...just kidding, I'm the perfect angel!
  • I'm going to be rich and famous one day but you'll still look like a homeless person.
  • I hate the fact that after four years, all we have is this box of pizza and some "Netflix and chill."
  • You should've known better than to think that was my first least now your baby will be smart!
  • You were like a box of chocolates; every time you came around it was really self-serving and not very enjoyable at all!
  • I'm sorry that your life is so boring that the only thing to do in it is spread rumors about me.
  • It's nice to know that you're just as miserable without me, as I was with you.
  • I don't miss fact, I've been meaning to thank my cat for eating your dog!
  • There are only two things I hate in this world: people who lie and the sun because it didn't rise when a certain somebody left!
  • You were so good at being mean that I bet you could teach the rest of us how to do it properly.
  • I would say 'goodbye', but we never really got started in the first goodbye isn't quite appropriate now is it?
  • I'm sorry I'm such a bitch, I must have gotten my period at the wrong time of day again.
  • I just filed for divorce...and got an apartment!
  • You're not getting older, you're just turning into me!
  • I just ran your boyfriend's credit score. He'll never get a loan with that high of an interest rate!
  • It was fun while it lasted but now I'm done playing games with you, so my new number is 555-I-don't-wanna talk-to -you.
  • I'll be attending your funeral for free because that's what you get when you just disappear on me.
  • I have a long list of exes and the reason it's so short is because I'm always adding to it.
  • You're a life ruined, a heartbreaker, and an ego taker…but most importantly, you're just a plain ol' taker.
  • I miss the days when I didn't know who you were…and now that we've met, let's never cross paths again!
  • Don't trust people with two first names because they'll always be someone else in your life too.
  • My main goal for this year is to make your life miserable because clearly, I'm obsessed with you.
  • You'll always be my second choice…but it's probably for the best since you were never even a first pick.
  • If you're gonna act like an ex then I'm going to treat you like one.
  • I don't know where your new boyfriend is but I do hope his name isn't something Pete or Percy.

Petty Breakup Captions For Instagram (2022)

Breakups are never easy. We all know this, but sometimes the best way to make yourself feel better is by taking out your anger on social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook.

Petty Breakup Captions For Instagram (2022)

The great thing about breakups is that you're free now! You don't have to deal with any of their annoying habits (like snoring) or controlling ways (like telling you what to wear).

So get your revenge on and make sure they know exactly how you feel with some of our best petty breakup captions for Instagram.

  • The only thing I miss about him is his half-price student discount at Chipotle...and now it's gone.
  • I'm single and ready to get used to it!
  • Expect me not to care, because I don't.
  • They can keep him. He's not my type anyway...
  • In a relationship with what's his name...
  • He's so cute when he doesn't get his way.
  • I'm not mad, I just don't like you anymore.
  • I'm not mad you're gone, I just don't like myself.
  • My imaginary boyfriend says he misses me too, so it's all good!
  • The breakup isn't the best part of my day...but it's definitely up there.
  • I did not sign up for this.
  • I'm done with bad boys, I need a nice guy like the one who just left me for someone else.
  • I'm a strong independent woman, and I don't need a man.
  • I don't miss him at all. *wink*
  • He wasn't good for me...I'm glad he was the one that got away.
  • It's not you, it's me. But seriously is you!
  • You're so cute when you get jealous of other girls wanting to have a piece of me.
  • Who needs a bf when I have an awesome squad?
  • I told him to leave me he finally did!
  • I don't need anybody, and I'm not there.
  • Breakups are like a box of chocolates: you never know what your gonna get!
  • He was my we're just friends.
  • The breakup was mutual...sadly it wasn't the cheating.
  • They say you always remember your first love....they can keep him
  • He's a loser and I don't miss him.
  • They say once a cheater always a he can keep her
  • I tried to be friends with the ex, but it didn't work out between us.
  • You can have them back now! You're not my type anyways!
  • I'm single, and I don't need them!
  • I thought you changed for the better...but apparently not.
  • They say that if your ex doesn't want to be friends with you then they're still in love with he wants me back?
  • I'm single, and I don't need anyone else!
  • I just want to focus on myself for now.
  • They say that if you're friends with your ex then they still have feelings for you...but apparently not.

Petty Finsta Captions (2022)

If you're not familiar with Finstagram, then let us explain. A Finsta is an online account that people create to post their most unfiltered and private photos for just their closest friends on social media platforms like Instagram. So if it's a secret (or at least meant to be seen by only your best friends), then it's Finsta.

Petty Finsta Captions (2022)

Some people use these accounts to post pictures of their new tattoos, while some even make them private so they can share all the weird things about themselves that they don't want everyone else on Instagram knowing! But if you're looking for some really great petty captions for your Finsta account, then we've got you covered.

  • I think the name of my Finsta account should be "photos that I would never post on Instagram because they're embarrassing."
  • My Finsta is better than yours...and if you don't believe me, it's private!
  • Can't wait until I delete this stupid thing and stop caring about what people think!
  • I don't care if you unfollow me, at least I know my Finsta is better than yours.
  • I'm so glad I don't care about my Finsta reputation.
  • Can't wait to post the pictures from my Finsta on Instagram!
  • My Finsta is lit.
  • I love my Finsta because it gives me a chance to be myself.
  • My Finsta friends are the only ones that I really trust.
  • Finstagram is my favorite social media app because it lets me be myself!
  • The name of my Finsta should definitely be "I can't believe I drank so much."
  • It's time to start making Finsta plans.
  • I'm so glad I got an invite for my first Finsta!
  • My Finsta is better than yours...and if you don't believe me, it's private!
  • Finsta over everyone else finna.
  • Can't wait until I delete this stupid thing and stop caring about what people think!
  • I don't care if you unfollow me, at least I know my Finsta is better than yours.
  • I'm so glad I don't care about my Finsta reputation.
  • You think you're so cool because your Instagram has 500 followers...well my Finsta account only follows five people, and I'm one of them!
  • My best friend just followed me on my private Finstagram! #blessed
  • I have more followers on my Finsta than you do.
  • I'm trying to find the perfect filter for my new selfie, but I don't care enough about this account to use Valencia or X Pro II. #FinstaProblems
  • My Instagram is Finstagram has all the good stuff!
  • I'm so glad I have a Finsta to be petty on!
  • I just want to post the most annoying selfie of all time and really piss people off. #finstagramproblems
  • My life is just too perfect for Instagram, that's why I only use my Finsta account.
  • I wish I had a Finsta account so I could post all the things that my mom doesn't want me to put on Instagram.
  • My secret Finstagram is where the magic happens.
  • I don't get why everyone cares about their Insta Finstarama only tells the truth!
  • It's such a joy to use my Finsta account because I can be 100% myself!
  • Using a fake name for your private Instagram is so dumb, that's why I use an anonymous name on my Finstarama.
  • I love posting the most obnoxious selfies and seeing who comments first on them.
  • Finstagram is where I'm most myself, and that's why it's the best social media platform for me.
  • I just really love posting selfies on my Finsta account because it makes me feel so confident!
  • I don't care enough about Instagram to post anything there...but my Finstagram has all the good stuff!
  • I'm so glad I have a Finsta account because it's the only place where I can post anything that my mom wouldn't want me to Instagram.
  • My best friend just followed me on my secret Finstagram, and now we've got all these inside jokes about our private photos. Love you, babe!

Cute Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

Petty captions for Instagram don't have to be all that serious. Sometimes, it's best if they're cuter than anything else!

Cute Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

After all, not everyone wants to go on social media and rant about how pissed off you are after a breakup or bad day at work. That might come across as unprofessional (or just really immature).

So if you want to get in on the pettiness, make sure your captions are cute and funny instead of serious (and even cruel) like everyone else's. It'll be way more fun that way! And trust us; you won't regret it when all your friends start asking for advice or where they can find these cute petty captions!

  • I don't like you, but I do like your hair... if it's on my floor.
  • I'm not even mad... I just want to be friends.
  • It's not you, it's me... and your poor judgement.
  • You could be a little nicer to me, I'm the only person who's going to miss you when we break up.
  • I can't believe I put up with your nonsense for as long as I did... but now it's my turn.
  • Ain't nobody got time for that! Get off my timeline and go do something productive.
  • I won't speak your name... but I'll think it every night before bed.
  • Don't let the door hit you on the way out, loser!
  • You're so annoying that you actually made me like my ex again... how sad is that?
  • I'm not mad, I just can't believe you actually thought we were friends.
  • Don't text me back... my new bae got unlimited data.
  • I wish I could hate you forever but it's impossible when your face is so cute!
  • I don't hate people; I'm indifferent towards them until they give me a reason to dislike them.
  • My therapist says that if my ex got run over by a bus, my mind would tell me it was my fault.
  • To you, I'm just a picture on your wall... to me, that's all you'll ever be!
  • If someone were writing the story of our lives together, this chapter wouldn't even make the footnotes!
  • It's not about how much people talk behind your back... it's about how loud they do it.
  • If you think I'm happy without you, then wait until you see me now that we're apart!
  • I'll never leave the house again; this is what happiness feels like.
  • I'm not busy, you're just boring!
  • I'd rather stay home and watch Netflix than go to your party... but thanks for the invite.
  • A day without laughter is a day wasted.
  • The only time we were ever on the same page was when our books were briefly touched in the library.
  • I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't stop loving you!
  • Your Instagram feed is the only thing that's changed since we broke up.
  • I'm not mad at you; just disappointed in myself for dating someone like YOU.
  • The best part about being single? Not have to explain why there are no pictures of you on my Instagram.
  • I'm sorry I was late... your face looked tired!
  • It's not that I don't care, it's just that being with me is bad for your health.
  • No one wants to get their heartbroken but sometimes you have no choice. It happens at the worst possible times and always, ALWAYS in public.
  • Don't worry I'm over you... it took me about two seconds.
  • Giving up doesn't always mean the relationship is over; sometimes it just means that you are tired of trying and fine with letting go.
  • The happiness we feel when someone else fails will always be better than the happiness they felt when we failed!
  • If looks could kill, then I'd still be alive because he wouldn't have killed me; he would've just made out with me instead.

Clever Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

It's no secret that most people want to be clever when they're posting a new photo on Instagram. After all, who wants to post something super serious and boring if you can't make it at least a little bit funny?

Clever Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

Now we know being witty isn't easy...but it is achievable! You just have to come up with some really clever captions that are petty and funny but also make sense. Here are some clever petty captions that you can steal for your own photos:

  • I think my third eye is telling me to delete this photo.
  • If I hear one more joke about how ugly my shoes are...I swear to god!
  • I'm not sure if I should ask you to be my friend or buy this for $20.
  • I don't think that outfit is flattering...and also, it makes me sad inside.
  • I'm not a doctor, but I am pretty sure that's herpes on your lip.
  • Can you please stop trying to take my picture?
  • I don't think those shoes go with that outfit at all! #noshoesmatchtheoutfit
  • "My mom is going to kill me if she sees this photo." -said no one ever
  • "I'm sorry mom, I know you told me to never put pineapple on pizza but that's just how they do it in __________."
  • If my eyes are closed does this count as sleeping? #fakeasleep #sleeptimeisfunnytime.
  • That's okay! You can take the picture and I'll just Photoshop myself in later.
  • I think Bigfoot is real...and he has a girlfriend and she looks just like me.
  • I'm so blessed to be alive in the age of selfies! #blessed #selfiequeen #nofilterneeded
  • Sorry, I need to put my makeup on before we take this picture.
  • "If you don't like my outfit, then why are you posting the photo?"
  • "I think this is a really mean picture of me...but can we still be friends?"
  • Are these pants too tight? Because they're squeezing all the juice out of me. #sosograteful
  • Did I do that pose right or am I just being awkward?
  • I'm so glad you were able to capture this moment...even if it's not the best quality.
  • "Do you think my eyes are glowing in this photo?" #illuminati
  • You don't have the right to ignore me; you gave up that privilege when you ignored our anniversary date.
  • I told you I didn't want to be friends with someone who doesn't even have the decency to follow me back on Instagram.
  • Don't mind my grassy knoll, it's just here for dramatic effect.
  • If you're going to be a hater, I hope you have the money for my lawyer.
  • I don't think this filter quite captures how #flawless my skin looks today...maybe next time!
  • Nope, nothing is wrong with me except your face. Lol...just kidding 😉
  • I'm going to delete this photo as soon as I figure out how.
  • I, for one, am shocked that this selfie didn't get more likes...shocked!
  • When you take a picture of me from now on remember those are the only ones anyone cares about. Just saying'.

Also Check: Clever WiFi Names (2022)

Short Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

If you're looking for a really quick and easy way to be petty on social media, then we have just the thing! You can use some of our short petty captions that are perfect if you don't want to put too much thought into your photo.

Short Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

Just copy and paste one of these witty remarks onto your Instagram photos, and voila! Instant petty!

  • I prefer my coffee like I prefer my men: strong and bitter.
  • When life gives me lemons, someone dies!
  • If you're reading this, I'm probably snoozing.
  • I'd rather be reading books than wasting time on here.
  • You can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes.
  • Totally #unbothered right now!
  • I'll be there in a minute...after this episode is over.
  • What happened last night? I don't remember anything!
  • I'm so over this selfie trend.
  • I don't always take a selfie, but when I do...I delete it.
  • Life would be so much better if all these selfies were outlawed!
  • I wonder what my life would be like if I had a filter?
  • I don't always take selfies, but when I selfie game is strong.
  • Did you know that there are people who actually pay for this app instead of just using the free version?!
  • Without InstaStories, our lives would have no meaning.
  • I'm sorry, I didn't realize that my social media posts were such a big deal.
  • Is this what people call #blessed?
  • When you do stupid stuff and try to post it on Insta...but your internet is too low!
  • Do not disturb, unless you're bringing coffee and bagels.
  • My time is very important for me right now.
  • I'm sorry, I thought this was the quiet zone!
  • I'm just here for my friends and the free drinks.
  • I would rather be binge-watching Netflix than doing this!
  • My kids, husband and dog are driving me crazy right now!
  • Not always available for family time...sorry not sorry.
  • Can't talk. Watching TV shows on Netflix in bed with my dog.
  • I'll be there in a minute...after I finish this book!
  • I'm not a morning person...don't talk to me before I've had my coffee.
  • If you want it done right, do it yourself!
  • I can't make dinner tonight...sorry, I have plans with Netflix and wine.
  • I'm just here for the free drinks!
  • This is not my life. This is a nightmare!
  • I don't always look this good...sometimes I even get out of bed on the wrong side!
  • If you can read this, then we're in trouble and I need more coffee.
  • People say I'm pretty and witty... so why can't anyone hold onto a man? 
  • You don't have to read my mind to know that it hates you right now!

Baddie Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

Most of the time, people want to be petty with their captions because someone else wronged them. Maybe they cheated on you, or maybe your friend borrowed something and hasn't given it back yet! It doesn't matter long as you can find a way to pass that pettiness onto others through social media.

Baddie Petty Captions For Instagram (2022)

That's what makes baddie petty captions so great! You get to be mean but also clever about it. The best part? These baddies are all royalty-free...which means you can use them over and over again without worrying about copyright infringement (as long as the photo is yours)!

  • You know I'm not lazy; I just hate doing things that won't get me Instagram likes.
  • My self-esteem is high enough without your approval, thanks!
  • Confidence: check. Style: check. Good hair day? Check and mate! Sorry haters... you lose again!
  • I'm not bitter... you're just an ugly shade of yellow.
  • You're only upset because I look better than you even when my hair is a mess.
  • I don't need you... I got my selfies and they're great.
  • I'm not rude; you just can't handle all of this pettiness!
  • I'm not looking at your face because it's probably ugly.
  • Did you really just ask me that? #mindblown
  • I'm not rude; I just speak the truth.
  • Sorry, but my self-esteem is too important for it to be based on your approval!
  • You're probably jealous of how good I look in this selfie... are you sweating yet?!
  • I'm not vain; I just know how to highlight my best features.
  • You're probably upset because you can't even achieve this selfie level of perfection! #fact #sorrynotsorry
  • Don't hate the player, hate the game... and I play it well 🙂
  • I don't need a man to take selfies for me.
  • You're just mad because I have more followers than you do! #saltyoverhere
  • I'm not arrogant, but my selfies are worth a thousand words. And they can't be's too much for your brain to handle!
  • Sorry haters...but the only thing that's going to catch my attention is a good selfie!
  • My selfies are so great, it's going to be hard for you to top them.
  • I look like such a baddie in this photo that I had no choice but to post it 🙂
  • You're probably mad because your life isn't as interesting as mine...
  • You're only mad because I look better than you even when my hair is a mess.
  • I don't need to like myself; that would require me to like other people too!
  • My hands are on fleek, but so are my eyebrows...
  • Don't get mad at me just because I'm pettier than you.
  • I don't need a man! All of my clothes match and everything... #iwokeuplikethis
  • You can try to be cute all you want, but it won't make up for the fact that your hair is greasy.
  • When I said "I don't need your help" I meant it! You can take that last piece of cake and shove it up to your nose.
  • Why is everyone always in my selfie? Can't a girl get some peace?
  • How do you do it?! You manage to make me feel ugly, while also making yourself look amazing. What a talent!
  • I don't need your opinion... I already know I'm perfect.
  • Your approval is the last thing on my mind tonight baby boo! Why are you always trying to get in between sis and her wine?
  • I don't normally like to brag, but I'm so done with you!
  • The fact that my other half is always here for me...even when I mess up. Puts everything into perspective, doesn't it? 😉

Petty Instagram Captions For Selfies (2022)

Selfies aren't just for girls anymore! Now that guys have started taking their own photos; they want to make sure the caption is as funny and clever as possible. After all, your friends are going to leave a ton of likes on each long as you use the right caption.

Petty Instagram Captions For Selfies (2022)

Luckily, we've got some really great ideas if you're struggling with what to write. Here are some of the best selfie captions for Instagram:

  • Can someone please get me a blanket? I'm too cold from all this hotness!
  • I promise, my eyes aren't always this red... it's just mascara tears after watching The Notebook. Again.
  • If you want to be my friend, first you have to get on your knees...
  • I'm only wearing sunglasses so you can't see I've been crying.
  • Life is too short for fake friends and real enemies! #byehaters
  • If this doesn't make me Insta famous nothing will.
  • Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
  • I'm not saying I want you back, but I'm definitely plotting your demise.
  • I saw this shade of lipstick on Pinterest and it was gorgeous...until my dog licked me. #sadtimes
  • I used to think that the worst thing in life would be to end up all alone until they invented mirrors!
  • My hobbies include: doing my makeup and taking selfies...I'm such a lady!
  • If you want to make things right with me, I'll be under the mistletoe in five minutes. #getyourassoverhere
  • Feeling down? Just do what I did; take some pictures of yourself in the mirror and post them on social media.
  • My ex-boyfriend just asked me to get back together with him...I'm thinking yes!
  • I'm not short, I'm concentrated greatness!
  • It's been a rough day...I even got mistaken for an ATM this morning.
  • You're so shallow that your reflection can't even be seen in a puddle of water!
  • If you don't follow me on Instagram then you must hate puppies and kittens because I post about them all the time!
  • When they say "don't cry over spilled milk", I'm really wondering why I can't. #seriouslywtf
  • I might look like a mess, but at least my outfit is on point!
  • Who needs friends when you have Instagram?
  • Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so too!
  • Can someone please take this selfie for me? My arm is tired.
  • Life's a beach and then you tan...I'm golden brown. #blessed
  • If looks could kill, it would be illegal to call me cute right now.
  • I'm not a bad driver, I just lack good judgement.
  • If you don't believe me when I say that my life is pretty awesome then check out my Instagram! #noshadesinthepicture
  • Sorry, it took so long to get back to phone was in selfie mode for the past three hours.
  • I'm not trying to be sexy...okay, maybe I am!
  • Did you know that the "L" in my name stands for LEGEND? #noshame
  • If it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.
  • I'm not really this tall... I'm sitting on a book.
  • What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ...because what happens there isn't legal!
  • You say blonde, I say heyyyy!! 😉
  • If you can handle this hotness, follow me! #staythepath
  • I'm not awkward, I just have interesting facial expressions.
  • I don't care what you think...just smile! #selfiequeen
  • My eyes are up here!
  • This selfie is brought to you by the letter "A" for awesome and the number "24" for twenty-four hours in a day.

More Petty Caption Ideas For Instagram (2022)

If you're looking for even more ways to be petty on social media, then we definitely have some ideas! You can turn these clever and funny captions into Instagram posts or share them with your friends, so they know exactly how to caption their photos...

More Petty Caption Ideas For Instagram (2022)
  • I'm not lazy; I just hate doing things that won't get me Instagram likes.
  • If I hear one more joke about how ugly my shoes are...I swear to god!
  • When you're too broke for a manicure but still want to look cute.
  • I'm just waiting for this night to end so I can see my bed again.
  • Don't hate me because I have an amazing selfie game!
  • Saying I need to go on a diet is like saying the ocean needs more water.
  • I don't want you here; Instagram told me no one likes your ugly face!
  • I'm going to kill you with my sarcasm. #sarcasmsociety
  • The struggle of loving yourself but still wanting a thigh gap.
  • Saying I need coffee is like saying the ocean needs more water.
  • I don't mean to brag, but...bragging!
  • Be kind or go away.
  • I don't have a drinking problem; I drink, I get drunk, I fall down! That's it.
  • Don't talk to me like that or else you'll see my evil side and then we're both screwed.
  • I'm not saying I hate you; I just don't like looking at your face.
  • I think my life is cursed because everyone who gets close to me dies.
  • My dog ate all of the food in my fridge, so now he's fat and it's on him.
  • I just took a selfie and I already hate myself.
  • I wonder how much faster my car could go if you weren't in front of me... #sarcasm
  • When someone tells me to smile: This is the face that has been making people laugh for years; what's your problem?
  • I'm so humble it makes me physically sick.
  • I don't care if you hate my selfies; I'm the one that has to look at them when I get home!
  • Don't worry about falling in love with someone else; just focus on falling in like with yourself!
  • I'm sorry; I didn't realize the mirror was in selfie mode.
  • Stop acting like you're my friend and actually be there for me!
  • #codependency #whydoyouneedtoknow
  • I'm not ignoring you; I just can't hear anything past my own thoughts.
  • Don't hate me because your ex is ugly.
  • I don't care if I have to fake smile all day, at least it's getting me Instagram likes.
  • You can say no to drugs but you cannot say no to the D! #drugsarebadbtw
  • I'm not saying this is my best selfie ever...but yeah it's my BEST selfie EVER!!!

What Does Petty Mean?

A petty person is typically someone who gets upset over trivial things. They may act like they are the victim or feel entitled to special treatment. Petty people can be frustrating to deal with and tend to create drama where there doesn't need to be any.

Petty in a relationship can be defined as getting angry or annoyed with your partner for not doing something they were supposed to and sometimes using the word "petty" just means that you're being picky, but it does have a negative connotation when used in this context.

Final Words

Captions are a great way to add a little humor, drama or pettiness into your photos. Make sure you have some clever remarks that will get the attention of potential followers and social media friends!

We hope you enjoyed this blog post on petty captions for Instagram. We would appreciate it if you could provide feedback and suggestions in the comments section below, as our goal is to deliver content that will be of value to you.

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